Silence and the Art of Bedroom Production

I mostly do my writing in Swedish, in places probably not frequented to often by English-speaking readers of this blog. I do this both professionally, and sometimes, well, for other reasons then putting food on the table. This blog is sometimes a rather quiet place, due to my other engagements.  

Other then blogging here, in English speaking fora I tend to write about music technology and its discontent. And perhaps not so unfitting, one of my recent contribution is about silence.

For SoundBytes Magazine, I contributed the article "What happens after the dot"? It's a short essay, an attempt at a philosophical understanding on silence in music.

"Silence is what happens before and after the dot. The full stop. On a smaller level, it is what happens between each word. Also the stillness which the words themselves may convey."

For Bedroom Producers blog I contributed a review of Twisted Tools Reaktor instrument S-Layer. It's an original sampler, as I wrote in my review:  

"I can see this working equally well as a percussive instrument – or as a sound design tool. The samples provided are fascinating and versatile, but you may of course also use it on your own libraries." 

I am of course welcoming any thoughts you might have on my essay on silence, or on the subject itself.

Il Principe in Dub

Blue Feature by NiccoloMachiavelli

I found this track over at the Dub techno blog, and thought it had to be shared. The track Blue feature is created by the artist Niccolo Machiavelli, a londoner sharing the name of the italian philosopher made famous by his theatrice Il Principe, in english otherwise known as The prince, which you can read in a translation on Project Gutenberg here. 

The track itself starts as an ambient drone, evolving unto a point in which it repeats a recorded quote given 1970 by one Spiro Agnew, former vice president of the US under Richard Nixon. I've heard this quoted in other electronic music but never did try to pin down its source.

I was surprised to see Agnews name when I did, but his attack on intellectuals as repeated here made more sense as part of certain aspects of US republican ideology. Also, the critique of society moving towards 'an age of the gross' is still being repeated today, listeners should be wise enough to see that it is hardly a new idea to react against parts or modernity as a whole.

Ever since the luddite uprising in England, described and defended among some deep green thinkers still, the back side of modernity has found itself critizised from left to right to front to back. In this aspect, the idea of continous degeneration from a past golden age, is an excellent example of mythic thinking, can be seen touted by thinkers seen as 'traditionalists', like Sufi Muslim René Guneon among others. They themselves repeating and recollecting ideas finding its sources in hindoism, that our age is the last one of four - dubbing it the age of kali yuga.

Despite what you may feel for Agnew, or traditionalist notions, that it is quoted as part of the track Blue Feature gives food for thought, encapsulated in beautiful music. The music lending itself to a meditation on the quote, which can also be read in its entirely via Berkley's Social Activism Sound Recording Project.

Haibane Renmei and the Concept of Sin

A dialouge excerpt from the japanese animated tv-series Haibane Renmei (灰羽連盟), released 2002.

Communicator: "To recognize one's own sin is to have no sin. So, are you a sinner?"

Rakka: "But if I think I have no sin, then I become a sinner!"

Communicator: "Perhaps this is what it means to be bound by sin. To spin in the same circle, looking for where the sin lies, and at some point losing sight of the way out."

When I heard this phrase in the series, I thought it was a very profound description of the very self-questioning attitude which can keep one stuck in unhealthy thought-patterns and therefore also in depression. Although in a very simple interpretation being focused on sin and absolution; by borrowing some Christian concepts, the spiritual context of the series is in a large and metaphorical way really about humanhood. It Centers around quite mature teams, such as lack of belonging, loneliness, depression, self-harm and death.

Rakka is not human, but born again as a wing-clothed being living in an small and isolated town, which guards the secret of their existence. But her birth and integration in the monastic community is not without trouble and she soon learns that she is sin-bound. Something she attempts to conceal trough self-mutilation.

In one part, the characters imagine their own fate trough re-imagining the creation-mythos and their role within this existence, which is one of the more beautiful parts. Do yourself a favour and learn about Rakka's struggle for a sense of purpose in the little known animé series Haibane Renmei.

Learn more about it here.

Movement by Train

My stepfather got himself a model train some time ago. So I went ahead and tried to capture its sense of movement with his DSLR-camera. My life has been moving fast lately, which this train could serve as an illustration of better then any word. As I now work full time and have other engagements, less time has been spent on my blog lately.

I still think of this space every now and then, as I hope it offers something of value to those who visit me. This blog follows a personal evolution of sorts in its openness. A space which is not quite defined but in which I have had the opportunity to make really meaningful connections with some of you.

It has also served as a place in which I have dared to go somewhat deeper, moving beyond the area of safe. I have shared poetry, images and music. All in all with the limited time at my disposal: I hope to continue in the spirit of this openness to write a few things on this blog every now and then.

To show off some of my work and that of other artists I am inspired and moved by.

And beyond.

Thank you for reading.

Merry Christmas / Happy Solstice

Tomorrow day is Christmas Eve. The annual day of celebration. One day before Christmas day, which I have learned is the day Americans celebrate. Tomorrow is Julafton. Hence the popular saying: God Jul. Which in english would mean: Merry times of Yule. This is according to some referencing the pre-christian pagan way of life of northern Europe.

I am a firm believer that Christmas should not exclusively be about presents and gifts, at least not forcibly so. But I enjoy it if is done in the right spirit. It can bring us closer together, no matter what faith. Sweden is no different from other parts of Europe though in the sense that there is a lot of focus on shopping. Very much so. I don't particularly care for it.

Living in the northern hemisphere these are times which brings very little direct sunlight to us. We have been blessed with snow this year though, which makes the days much more joyful. It brightens the season and makes the long walks I enjoy taking enjoyable. Especially because I get to experience the snow in such a direct way. I had almost forgotten how lovely the sound is that it makes when trodden on by a pair of shoes. I do hope we get to keep it.

Even with the snow: were it not for electricity there would be only a few hours of sunlight for the moment being. Now many of us can take part in the luxury of doing what I do now, even write a blog-note in the middle of the night the day before Christmas eve.

This time of the year nearing the end of December is not only known as Christmas: but also as winter Solstice - the day when the axis of the earth is tilted so that we in the northern hemisphere have access to the least sun in the year. Both winter Solstice (vintersolståndet) and Christmas are two days of importance which coincide practically at the same time of the year.

Christ as Sol, found in necropolis under St. Peter's Mid-3rd century Grotte Vaticane, Rome.

Christmas signifies the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, the messiah of the Christian religion. In some traditions both modern and antique Jesus is seen as corresponding to the sun. Which is found in the above image. Various strands of orthodox Christianity often downplay this connection, sometimes claiming that this leads to reducing Jesus to a pagan deity among other deities.

I don't care for theological fights of wits. Somewhere along those conflicts what should be important often is forgotten. The core message which the season is all about. Which according to Christianity would be summed up in the two basic tenets "Love the Lord your God" and "Love thy neighbor", according to Matthew 22:36-40.

I cherish synchronicity. The idea of seeing similarities and universal themes and connections in philosophy and religion. To me it allows me to open up my perspective to see the very open and dynamic process which our lives are a part of.

To some this time of the year signifies the birth of Jesus Christ, the benefactor of mankind. For others it is the time of the seasonal cycle which signifies the farthest point in which darkness will prevail under the current season. And the turning point in which the sun is slowly but steadily going to return into our lives. The birth of a new season. For some it is just a good time to spend with family and friends.

No matter which category you belong to, or if you would like to describe your view of the season in a totally different way: I am going to leave this blog post in the seasonal greeting which is often heard here in Sweden.

God Jul och Gott Nytt År

Which could be translated to:
merry Yule and a merry new years eve.

With eyes of those Yet to be Born

I spoke at a protest rally this weekend for human rights. A rally which I also helped plan. At the rally I spoke about how society has forgotten solidarity and the growing mistreatment by government bodies of to those dependent on welfare and of those that are asylum-seekers.

After the manifestation we gathered at a café run by a local Christian church. A well known poet in Sweden; Bengt Berg, read some of his work. While he read his poetry, another man translated. The people at the rally and at the café were mostly middle-eastern of origin. I remember the faces of the women there. They were full of life. Proud. Some wore Hijab, some didn't.

Bengt Berg also recited a passage in which the latin-american poet Otto René Castillo encouraged us to "view life with eyes of those who have yet to be born." That this would give us the inspiration to create a better world with care for each other and the nature which sustains us.

Later he gave me that same book.

Today I am thinking about compassion. I am reading a text at the newly founded Charter for Compassion and seeing it as parts of a larger whole. As I do with the the cause of the rally. All initiatives small or large have the potential to point towards values and a world beyond our present. This is some of the beauty there is to it.

Parkour reflected in a Mirror's Edge

Parkour, or l'art du déplacement is a physical excersice or artform in which you use your body to move in what often is urban landscapes, trying to tackle different parts of the scenery in imaginative ways. Another form is called free running.

Photograph by Alexandre Ferreira, used here with permission under Creative Commons.

I am by no means performing the movements of Parkour, but I have come to learn that it really is a interesting concept and philosophy. I think I first saw free running moves in movies like James Bond: Casino Royale and Madonna's video for her song Jump. And it would have probably stopped there unless I would have bought swedish produced game Mirror's Edge a couple of days ago.

Mirrors Edge is a a clever game, which is visually stunning as well as caught my interest in finding out more about the philosophy of free running and parkour. What it is and why the freedom to challange obstacles and using your body and interact with your surrounding.

Faith from Mirror's Edge, looking out on a stunning scenery.

Of course Mirrors Edge is mostly just a spectacular game, which I think has many positive aspects as well as a sheer beauty that many other games lack: parkour is something more then that though. As far as popular culture goes, movies tends to mostly focus on having a villain or hero doing free running to highten the exitement. But it is important to know that there is more to it then this.

Members of the Seattle Parkour Asssociation practice at Seattle's Gasworks Park. Photo by Paul Swortz, used with permission under Creative Commons.

Parkour is a philosophy based on a positive relationship with the body, using it to train your body and mind to overcome obstacles. Not only climbing physical fences so to say, but moving past and beyond mental walls as well. There has been arguments about the history of parkour, but it it i safe to say that it has a strong french connection with men like Georges Hébert, who was the first to write about parkour as a 'natural method' of moving oblivious to your surrounding.

According to Andy from Parkour North America parkour it is:

"a means of reclaiming what it means to be a human being. It teaches us to move using the natural methods that we should have learned from infancy. It teaches us to touch the world and interact with it, instead of being sheltered by it.

Also worth noting is that people in parkour hold the idea that it should be non-competetive and against rivalry. In this sense, it is similar to geo-caching: which I practise and is also not focused on winning against others.

It is important to build a positive relationship with one's body. And while parkour might definetly not be for everybody, it is one practise amongst many which ponts towards imaginative ways of rethinking how to use your body. And because of this, I believe it has the potential to allow for people who practise it to grow.

A New Chapter of Living

I have begun what I hope will be a new chapter in my life. A new chapter marked by several slow changes that I have been trying to implement in my life, but I want to mention one of these changes in this blog today.

I just took the step of getting myself involved in the local chapter of the Green Party here in Sweden. I have made a point of not talking much about politics in this blog, as I intended it to be more oriented towards culture. But things tend to become broader then what first was thought out to be the world of Suecae. This blog was after all intended to only be about my own music from the beginning. An idea that soon had to be complemented in favour of my increasing interest in photography. And then in the end I started to write about my own experiences of life.

Yta, captured 2009

I mention becoming involved in the Green party because because it is a personal decision of significance. I also hope that it will provide me with an arena to use my personal experiences of healthcare and social security to influence society in the direction of being more sensible towards people with different needs and abilities in society. To recognice and cherish the difference of human experience and stop seeing people who are not able to work full time as a burden.

I do not intend to change this blog into propaganda for my views and opinions, there are enough good and terrible blogs about politics as it is. I write about this because I feel that I want to share this with those of you who have supported me, quietly or vocally. Especially some of the remarkable women out there in the blogosphere, who impress me with their solidarity and life loving attitude almost every time I stumble across their blogs.Thank you all for coloring the invisible web of the Internet into something real and tangible. I hope to be able to continue to paint the web myself, but if I before used a lot of black and white I hope to add more sparkling colors as I go along.

Waves of Wind

It has been quite windy lately. I think I have mentioned on this blog that I like windy days before. It is true, I like them very much. Everything seems so much more alive and less mundane when the wind is moving things around in its unpredictable ways.

There is something powerful when you are experiencing the forces of nature first hand. It takes me out of the kind of everyday thinking where I may be just kind of passing time. It also opens up my imagination to the less then ordinary sides of life and I feel connected to my surrounding in ways which makes me feel alive. Wind makes the surrounding dynamic, moving and alive. Trees bend, leaves and dust scatter around, and if you are outside it is impossible to ignore it.

Taken a sunny day during spring 2009

When I am outdoors these windy days I like to use my camera. It seems as if I am able to go further into the experience when I use photography to help me, as if I allow myself to pause and take the time to actually see that which is around me. If I have had a day which I feel kind of miserable and isolated, this can break that spell and replace that with a sense of connectedness.

At the precise moment when I press my shutter I find myself reflecting a world which is bigger then I might feel spending to much time alone with my own thoughts.

A Stream of Anxiety into the Ocean of Life

The written word is a fascinating thing. It can come forward as dry and pointless or it can really reach out and touch someone. Allowing us to form bonds and connections over great distances.

I believe one of the hardest things to accomplish in the field of writing is to write sincerely from the heart. It requires a special form of honesty with oneself which is not always so easy to form. To reveal what is underneath and beyond the image of ourselves that we would like to project to our surrounding is a challenge that many of us has to face one time or another. Perhaps especially so in forming meaningful relationships. Do we dare ourselves to open up, or do we choose to stay closed...

The answer is not always so simple as it might sound, it requires discrimination and good judge or character. Sometimes the avid listener does not have your best intentions at heart. This is something some may experience in the worst way possible, having our good trust betrayed and ridiculed.

Blogging opens up whole new dimensions to these issues, as it transforms what is private and what is public. Many find a supporting environment and wonderful new people to connect with. I know I have. Beginning to write about topics which touches more on my personal challenges has been liberating, and judging by the comments I have received I have reached out in a way that I never thought I would. It is a humbling experience and I am grateful for being subject to it.

I know also that the changes on this blog has been marked by positive changes in my personal life. On the grand scheme of things I have taken huge leaps forward in terms of the relationship I form with myself. Therefore it kind of shook me to lately having to face a significant increased sense of anxiety.

Personal growth as the source of meaning

I think it comes with the territory of life to expect that positive changes in lifestyles are to be followed with better health. I am probably not alone either in having expectations that are sometimes a bit dramatic. Facing old ghosts among all this new can therefore be a disappointment and lead to a sense of failure. Going back in time it definitely has been like that for me.

But is it really a failure to take one step back when you take two steps forward? I am starting change perspective when it comes to this as well. The oftentimes hard work in changing one's life for the better, may not even wield the results of what one may expect or desire, but still has tremendous importance for personal growth. There is never a quick fix to life defining questions. And if we could have access to this quick fix, would we really want it to be that easy?

Honestly: facing the more intense forms of anxiety makes me want to take the easy way out at times, if there was such a thing as an easy way. But I am being careful as I know good people in my surrounding who have formed unhealthy relationships with alcohol, among other things. That is the reality I live in, and although I am really careful as to not pass judgment, I have come to learn that life is a very precious and vulnerable thing.

Ending the fight

Going back a few years in my life I spend a lot of my energy and dedication fighting against my anxiety, depression and all the demons that my subconscious could manifest. I have learned the hard way that identifying parts of yourself as worth fighting can be a huge source of pain. Going forward I have little by little, step by step, come to realize the futility of this approach. Today I try to see the anxiety as a part of myself which cannot be defeated, accepting its presence in me. Not seeing it as toxic, but as a part of life and what makes me who I am.

Going deeper I think that interior conflicts with parts of your personality such as
anxiety, can lead to a situation where you are fighting both yourself and therefore affirming the perceived negative to be a force to be reckoned with. Strangely it may reinforce its existence and letting it become stronger in the process. Translating this to obsessive thoughts and things of that nature, repeatedly affirming to yourself that "I will not think about X", often leads to the opposite.

Becoming friends with your yourself, even the parts which might not be desirable, can be a liberating experience. Of course, these are personal observations that has a lot to do with my own life and I am reluctant as to proclaiming them as universal truths. But as fellow travelers on this journey that is life, I thought I would share. Because although opening up and showing yourself to another can; as I mentioned in the beginning of this article, lead to vulnerability, this type of honesty can also open up possibilities for real connections to people which may enrich your life.

Thank you for reading.

The Wonders of Difference

Ever since I stumbled across the blog Cottage Garden Studio; hosted by gifted artist Sarah Sullivan, I've read it regularly. Some of you might remember that I won one of her giveaways earlier this year. Others have yet to read her sympathetic and insightful blog-posts.

She has a returning column called the Quilting Bee, which this time cut to the core on a very serious topic, yet again with a sense of warmth and recognition of the heart of the matter that I sometimes think go amiss when some people discuss "them". I am talking about kids and grown up people that fall under different categories such as asperger, ADHD, tourettes, OCD etcetera. It reminded me why I wrote about mental illnesses last month.

"Years of working with children and adults with autism, Aspergers, ADHD, mental issues, learning disabilities, my sincere belief is…we are truly missing something amazing here. That we need to start looking at these children as “Differently Gifted” rather than set them apart as abnormal."
- Quilting Bee # 16

This is a way of looking at things that I hope will spread. A perspective guided by being able to see potential instead of a static problem. I wouldn't for the world want to dismiss the care that therapeutic treatment and modern medicine can offer to better the life's of people who share some of these traits, there is however also a somewhat disturbing tendency to view anything that breaks the norm in human behavior as a problem, all under the guise that everybody should function in the same way.

This demand for normalcy, can create an enormous amount of pressure on kids and even grown people to adjust and fall into line with a notion of what is believed that everybody else functions and does. The real issue here to me, is that the image of what is normal can never translate into the enormous richness of the human experience. Not even close. If we recognize that everybody already is unique and different, I think this should invite to a sense of wonder and excitement.

In all honesty, everything that sets you apart from others can in unsupportive settings be considered a weakness and a problem. Some of us experienced bullying when growing up, and I know that there don't need to be any good reason for bullying to happen. Any reason would be fine.

And while some cry themselves to sleep in their kinder years for not being normal enough to be accepted by either their family, school or community, they might later grow up to be able to give some of the finest gifts to that could ever be asked for. Gifts that come from their own unique experiences which couldn't have come from anybody else. That which is shaped by the depths of their own being.

The Primitive Voice of Techno

I became involved in a discussion yesterday at the Modplug message board. The board is dedicated to users of a specific type of musical production programs; called trackers, which I have been using for several years as my main tool to produce music.

The author of the tread mentioned a new book by Russian author Martynov, who explores the theme of repetition in music. Using techno as a reference I think I can see an underlying relationship between tribal music of different continents and the very modern incarnations of dance music. Although the differences are obvious: the cultural, instrumental, and melodic differences are sometimes vast. Some things to me seems very much alike though. There are the repetitive phrases, the mesmerizing focus on rhythm and movement, and the idea of music as a potential vehicle for ecstatic experiences.


The artist Ame with the minimal techno track Rej, originally released 2005 on Sonar Kollektiv.

The achievement of different states of consciousness when dancing to repetitive music is still very much witnessed all over the world. I have written before about how night-clubbers and spiritual dancers relate before, inspired by the portrayal of Muslim Sufi's in the french documentary Blues de l'orient.

I believe that the techno producer who lets a kick drum build the foundation of an entire track are building upon an ancient practice, which probably would pay close resemblance to the original spirit of music as it was in the dawn of humanity. I also think that some of the appeal of modern dance music is that it speaks with a voice that attracts us in on very fundamental level.

Thoughts on mental illness and melancholia

I have been reading a lot of thoughtful and noteworthy blog-post as of late. I want to share posts from two different blogs that have provoked my thought and let me reflect on my own life and experiences.

Sally Mandy over at the Blue Kimono have written several memorable posts about depression; or melancholia as she prefer to term it, and her experiences with this subject. I recommend you to read it, as it brings up how melancholia can manifest itself and that it also can mean a lot of things for different people.

"For me, running from suffering causes much more suffering. That includes running from depression. It feeds compulsion and addiction. Holding out for an impossible sense of joy and happiness is a setup for disappointment of the highest magnitude."
- The Blue Kimono

I have been on medication for depression and anxiety for quite some time, and I know that some are helped by these kinds of medicines and others are not. One of my personal lessons of living with issues such as these, is that a strategy for health has to be multi-faceted and individual.

Someones path might lead to lead them to specific religious teaching, another one finds comfort in a support group in family and friends, all of which might be completely wrong for a third person. If we recognize that each and every person holds the key to his or her health, even if they might not find it on their own, I think we might grow a profound respect for what it means to be human. Personally I have come to think that we create our own medicine trough our thinking and actions.

Also, why is suffering considered to be inherently unnatural? The thinking that it does not belong to any normal persons experiences can cause very much suffering as this ideal does not recognize the richness of many peoples experiences. To diminish whatever troubles us into something that should not exist denies the one thing it really amounts into: the human experience.

Bleak outlook - Photo captured last day of 2008

"I have spent much time contemplating the life of the homeless and mentally ill. Their current circumstances, as well as the history that has led them to sleep on the street, in SROs, self-medicate, and speak and listen to voices, intrigues me. I feel for them. I understand them. I am them."
- Thoughts on Life and the World

F. Monique Pitre writes on the topic of homelessness and mental illness on the blog Thoughts on Life and the World. With just a few words she manage to capture what I feel to be a very valuable truth. While we are different on many levels: underneath our different experiences we still all come from one source.

If meditating on the oneness of our existence might seem strange to you, maybe thinking a while upon all the things we have in common is easier to grasp. How it is that when we peel off more and more layers of culture and ways of living we are essentially so much alike?

While we do need to affirm our right to be different, choose different paths and live different lives, even live separate and defend ourselves, we are also breathing the same air and have the same color of blood in our veins. This understanding might be used to develop a greater compassion towards those around us.

Essentially mental illness is not something that only happens to others, and separating ourselves from a reality that affects all of us in one way or another does not offer real protection.

Tao

A feel like today might be a good day to share with you a quote from the Tao te Ching. It is a Chinese philosophical writing believed to be older then 2000-years old. The 57th chapter can easily be interpreted as a suggestive portrayal on how one would govern (not-govern) with the aid of the Tao. When Swedish police focuses on arresting small time consumers of narcotics who happen to be musicians or writers; this is the chapter I come to think of.

"I let go of the law,
and people become honest.
I let go of economics,
and people become prosperous.
I let go of religion,
and people become serene.
I let go of all desire for the common good,
and the good becomes common as grass."

I own an edition as interpreted to Swedish by Stefan Stenudd, which I warmly recommend. There is also an English translation published online translated by anthropologist Stephen Mitchell.

Bioshock

If I owned a Xbox 360, the first game I would play with sheer bliss would be Bioshock. A unorthodox first person shooter at first glance, this carries a philosophical and intruiging storyline wich is uncommon for games. Like the best parts of the Silent Hill series, Bioshock has an agenda and a level of debth. For those familiar with political ideologies and the american climate, some may have come across neo-liberal hardliners called objectivists or randians.

They are an interesting bunch believing in the individual and innovator as the driving force in history, in the context of society the individual fights for his/her ideas or becomes the dull and washed out mainstream. An elitist outlook echoing other far right ideologies. The line "always the individual, never the collective" could sum up the entire thinking of Ayn Rand. What Bioshock does is that it takes the idea of a city built around Objectivist ideas, and let's disaster strike. You unravel the city while being immersed in Art Deco and Objectivist propaganda. The city of Bioshock could in other words be looked on as the Dystopia of Rand's Utopia and fiction Atlas Shrugged.

Play it. And appriciate the level of thought gone into this game.