Emotional life revisited

I gotta stop forgetting to take my anti-depressants, or if I decide to stop, do it properly. It really fucks my emotional life up. Damn these moodswings.

Footprints

Do you remember our footprints in the sand?
The heart I scribbled with my naked feet,
Wrong proportions, I know.
Not an artists heart.

Now the ocean has swept it away,
It lingers only in dreams,
My footprints and this small heart of mine.

One year

The manifestation I wrote about in the last entry resulted in getting publiched on yelah again. The weekend aside from friday was not good though... Rough. I needed something else then this to just keep my mind from things.

One year ago a girl came into my life that was the first person for real to really make me feel in a way that I did not feel before. One year. But I should have known that I could not escape the feelings this weekend. That you just try to push the emotions and sadness on the future for a day or two. So I guess the time is now when I let myself relax that the feelings enter my mind again. There is no real escape from yourself.

"Funny, how precious memories linger on.
So long after you've been gone.
Precious memories, will only make me cry.
But I keep on.
But love, love, love make me do these things."
Martha and the Vandals - love (makes me do foolish things)

I'm off to Gothenburg

I will meet up with old class friend Kajsa, and probably go out to a club at night on saturday. Then I'll team up with some other people from Karlstad. Personally I will photo and write about the syndicalist youth federations (SUF) demonstration against the swedish governments wish to make it easier to privatize public health care. Little if I am not feeling well, more if I feel ok.

Something tells me that I am going to need the monday to rest.

Girl Power

My two beautiful sisters, Jainie and Tifanny. Taken yesterday with my Pentax.

Friends

Daniel


Miriam

The portraits made more justice to my smc-super takumar 55 mm lens then the graduation-shootout. I made some mistakes on the graduation, and the manual focus is tricky with moving subjects. But this turned out great.

By the way Miriam, enjoy God of War. ;)

Like a river

There are so many things on my mind right now. It seems that I got less money then I anticipated. The EP seems to be harder to release then I thought. I have encountered resistance, and I did not think would be the case.

And I cried a lot yesterday... I had a important discussion with someone whom I care and feel for a whole lot. Boys cry too. It is as simple as that, and I really needed to cry... To not shut my emotions out. But what would people think of me? I ended up stopping the struggle to control, and let go of that thought. And even though I struggled to cry less then what welled up from my heart, it came like a river. Breaking trough my defences and revealed what I feel.

Here are three photos I took from the graduation celebrations today. It was not easy, since I used my manual 55 mm lens. I had a hard time getting the exposure right:

Night in Indonesia

IMGP1173.jpg
Originally uploaded by michiro

Instead of me writing about it. Just have a look at this, taken by Michiro.

Portraits

Originally uploaded by meg29st

Cruising Flickr is very interesting. It gives you one way of learning techniques and just simply admiring all the creativity that comes from the free flow of sharing what you have composed.


This photo in particular strikes me as one with many emotions, and the post-production really highlights the totality of her face rather then the details. To my mind, this is a quite beautiful piece of work by the photographer Meg.

Another photo

Nationaldagen i Karlstad
Originally uploaded by suecae sounds

Another one of my favorite photos I took from the national day. It highlighted that I really want a good telezoom for my camera, (for this shooting, I borrowed another DSLR) .

Rough friday

Rough day today. Yesterday I upped my anti-depressants with 10 mg and had a major panic attack. Other effects were emotional numbness and trouble focusing on anything at all. Probably a side effect of my body responding to the drugs. I ended up not being able to sleep at night hardly at all. So friday could have started in a more positive way. :/

However. Today is also the day when The EP in all it's totality has been sent to Mephtik. It will be called Stepping up while looking back. I think the title captures the contrast of how the past effects me, while trying to shape a future. That is something that I have accompliched.

Last but not least, Todd Edwards, I send you a small thank you for writing music thats filled with both hope despite pain. I'm a doubting person, but I want to reach out. So I thank God that I have been given a life, and been given the opportunity to live. Somehow, I will find a way out of this darkness. And I hope that there will be hands there reaching out to me as I may stumble and fall.

National day

Nationaldagen i Karlstad
Originally uploaded by suecae sounds

Swedish national day was celebrated in a traditional manner in central Karlstad yesterday. With a whole lot of activities and people holding small paper flags of yellow and blue. I borrowed my step-fathers Sony A100 with a 70-300 mm lens. On my Flickr are some of the captures I made.

This shows a young girl who were part of a group of girls demonstrating rythmic sportsgymnastics before a crowd of proud parents, curious people and some photographers.

Korg Electribe + talent = Good stuff

This is something else. The finnich techno-musician HarriL doing it live with the Korg Electribe EMX. Almost trancey: